


Malfoy and the Muggle-born: The Musical

by dormiensa, UnseenLibrarian



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Humor, NSFW, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 13:34:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8015944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dormiensa/pseuds/dormiensa, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnseenLibrarian/pseuds/UnseenLibrarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco and Hermione come together in the most surprising of places: the musical stage!  (A naughty Sound of Music lyrics parody.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Favourite Things

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks (and apologies) to Rodgers and Hammerstein!
> 
> Written in 2011.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sung by Hermione the Governess

Molten grey gazes, which promise depraved sin,  
Abs like a six-pack, a hard-on with foreskin,  
Four poster bedsteads with really loud springs,  
These are a few of my favourite things.  
  
Cream coloured chest hair and talented fingers,  
Smut talk, a big cock, and sex scent that lingers,  
Hours and hours of steamy fuckings,  
These are a few of my favourite things.  
  
Sucking him off so when he comes he thrashes,  
Jism that sticks to my nose and eyelashes,  
Cuddling close to him after our flings,  
These are a few of my favourite things.  
  
As he bangs me  
How my arse stings -  
Oh! I’m going to come!  
And as I remember my favourite things  
I cream 'round his cock in my bum.


	2. Rigid Cock (Edelweiss 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sung by Hermione the Governess

Rigid cock, rigid cock,  
Every morning you greet me.  
Stiff and long, wondrous shlong,  
Shimmy closer, impale me.

Burgeoning shaft  
Won't you stuff my snatch,  
Stuff my snatch forever.

Throbbing cock, throbbing cock,  
Come inside me forever.


	3. Dough Ray Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sung by Captain Malfoy

DOUGH - the cash to pay the whore,  
RAY - the fake name that I use.  
ME - the one who's getting off,  
FAR - from home is my excuse.  
SO - I say when she complains,  
LA - my expression of regret,  
TEA - which I drink on the train  
on my ride home to get more DOUGH! **Oh, oh, oh ...**


	4. Pretty Puss (Edelweiss 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sung by Captain Malfoy

Pretty puss, pretty puss  
Every evening I meet you.  
Pink and wet, do not fret,  
I am coming to eat you.

Blossoming bud  
I will nip and flick,  
Nip and flick forever.

Trembling puss, trembling puss,  
Spurt on my tongue forever.


	5. The Sound of Coitus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sung by Captain Malfoy

The room is abound with the sound of coitus,  
The moans that have rung for a million years.  
The bed is alive with the sound of fucking,  
The walls echoing every sound they hear.

My teeth want to nip at your clit as you writhe and moan  
And my tongue your lips tease.  
Your hands as they stroke and make me groan  
'Yes, that's it! Faster, please!'  
The perfect fitting of trembling bodies  
When I'm deep inside.  
To shag through the night  
As passion and pleasure collide! 

I fall on the bed as my seed escapes me,  
I know I will hear you emphatic roar.  
My heart is consumed with the joy of coitus,  
Can't you hear it soar?


	6. The Horny Goatherd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sung by Hermione the Governess and the precocious children

[Hermione:]  
Nude on a hill was a horny goatherd  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do lay me, who?  
Loud was the voice of the horny goatherd  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do you.

Folks in a town that was quite turned on heard  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do lay me, who?  
Lusty and clear from the goatherd's throat heard  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do you.

[the Children:]  
Oh ho lay me Oh do me oh, o ho lay me Oh do lay,  
Oh ho lay me Oh do lay oh, lay me Oh do me today.

[Hermione:]  
A prince wanking off in a castle moat heard  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do lay me, who?  
[Scorpius:]  
Men on a road with a load of spunk heard  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do you.

[the Children:]  
Men in the midst of a circle jerk heard  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do lay me, who?  
[Hermione:]  
Men getting fucked in the brothel hot heard  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do you.

One little girl with a wet pink nub heard  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do lay me, who?  
[Lyra:]  
She yodeled back to the horny goatherd  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do you.

[Hermione:]  
Soon her Mama with a gleaming gloat heard  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do lay me, who?  
What a duet from a girl and goatherd  
[Hermione and the Children:]  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do you.

[Hermione and the Children:]  
Ummm (ummm) . . .   
Oh do lay me (Oh do lay me)  
Oh do lay me me (Oh do lay me me)  
Oh do lay me . . .  
. . . yodeling . . .

[Child:]  
One little girl with a wet pink nub heard  
[Hermione:]  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do lay me, who?  
[Child:]  
She yodeled back to the horny goatherd  
[Hermione:]  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do you.

[Hermione:]  
Soon her Mama with a gleaming gloat heard  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do lay hmm hmm,  
What a duet from a girl and goatherd  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do you.

[Hermione and the Children:]  
Happy are they lay me oh lay me me oh . . .  
. . . yodeling . . .  
Soon the duet will become a trio  
[Hermione:]  
Lay me oh do lay me oh do you.

[Hermione and the Children:]  
Oh do lay me, Oh do lay me  
Oh do lay me me, Oh do lay me  
Oh do lay Oh do lay, Oh do lay Oh do me, Oh do lay Oh do me  
Oh do lay Oh do lay Oh do lay.


	7. So Long, Farewell!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sung by Captain Malfoy

There's a glad sort of twitching of the cock in my pants  
And erect are my nipples, too.  
And up in my bedroom a hot, sex-loving witch  
Is calling out to me, 'Let's screw!  
Yoo-hoo! Let's screw!'  
Persistently she tells me, enticingly compels me  
To say 'bug off' to you!

So long, farewell  
Auf wiedersehen, goodnight.  
I go to eat and stuff a pussy tight!

So long, farewell  
Auf wiedersehen, adieu.  
Adieu, adieu, I'm gonna finger her!

So long, farewell,  
Au revoir, auf wiedersehen.  
I'll run upstairs and make her come again!

So long, farewell,  
Auf wiedersehen, goodbye.  
I need to have her head between my thighs! My thiiiiiighs!

I'm glad to go, I cannot tell a lie,  
Upon the bed, a fiesty witch to tie!

The booze is gone, to bed so goeth I!  
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye,  
Goodbye, goodnight!  
Oh witch, all right!


	8. Something Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sung by our amourous and sentimental couple

[Draco]  
At school, I had a wicked childhood;  
At school, I had a miserable youth.  
But one year in that wicked, prejudiced past,  
I knew I found a moment of truth.

For there you were standing firm brassing me,  
Arguing all you could;  
So, as I left behind my childhood  
I knew that I saw something good.

Something came from nothing  
Even as I stood.  
So, casting off the lies from childhood  
I firmly clung to something good.

[Hermione]

Although I had a lonely childhood,  
Although I had a trauma-filled youth,  
At Hogwarts, I forgot my miserable past,  
I learned to find the glimmers of truth.

And here you are standing there loving me,  
Never dared hope you could.  
And even though he wrecked my childhood  
Voldemort did something good.

Nothing turned to something,  
Never thought it could.  
So, let us put away our bad past  
And focus on this longed-for good.


	9. Sixteen Going on Seventeen

DRACO:

Let's wait, sexy witch, for a little while  
And I will turn the light on.   
We'll rest, saucy witch, in our comfy bed  
To reinstate my hard on.

(HERMIONE: your hard on... *drool*)

It's been 16 going on 17  
Hours of sexual games.   
Feelings of bliss, a lingering kiss   
Whenever I shout your name.

It's been 16 going on 17  
Hours of endless sex.  
My dick is sore, can't thrust anymore  
And you've lost your gag reflex.

You need not fear I can't bounce back  
We Malfoys are robust.  
Totally overcome we leave  
Those Weasleys in the dust!

You've got someone bolder and stronger  
Showing you what to do.  
This wee cuddle makes you supple  
Then I'll go down on you. 

HERMIONE:

It's been 16 going on 17  
Minutes since I have come.  
Talented lips, rigorous hips   
Slapping against my bum.

Waiting 16 going on 17  
Minutes 'til you rebound.  
Nibbling you here and nuzzling you there  
I'm ready for our next round.

Totall undeterred am I  
To find you all worn out.  
I know your cock I can revive  
With a single sultry pout. 

You need someone older and wiser   
Telling you what to do.  
It's now 17 going on 18  
Minutes, so I must ride you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we realized very belatedly that we never tried our hand at this song! this one is a true collaboration! again, apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein. we know we haven't parodied every song in the musical, but unless our muses bring sudden inspiration, we'll leave it as is! 
> 
> we hope readers realize that we mean no offense by doing this naughty parody--we grew up with the movie version of this musical, so it has a very special spot in our hearts. we just like finding the humour in life.


End file.
